What a disaster...

Well, I suppose I should tell you what happened on the trip then eh?

D-1 ... We all met for the evening pre-ride meal and Big Ears gave me my newly ordered shorts. The shorts were just a little too big but not too bad... but the pad... well that was a large so a bit of a disaster.. kind of had an inbuilt 'camel toe' LOL!!! Complete opposite from last year when I couldn't get the damn things on because they were sooo small. O well, next year I will order Large with a Small pad.

Day 1... Chessington to Portsmouth... Over the North and South Downs (and there isn't anything down about them... I've gone off the idea of Alpe D'huez!) and a strong head wind all the way. Rode with my team mate Crabsticks. Poor luv hadn't done any training (work commitments) and I think he felt sick at one point! (".) I reckon it was the hilliest 'Day 1' we have done so far. LOL. Got into Portsmouth at about 5pm. And that inbuilt camel toe did me no favours on the way! Overnight ferry to St Malo... shared a cabin with 4 other girls and it was a bit cozy to say the least.

Day 2... started well... not too hilly and weather was fine but that all changed after lunch. major hills, and wet wet wet.. storm force 10 near the end of the day... had to shelter in a French man's garage with only 10k to go... bless him... we (me and Crabsticks) didn't know a word of french and he knew no english, but we managed a little conversation with a lot of hand actions! When storm force 10 reduced to storm force 5 we set off for the last leg ... and 5k to the end saw disaster strike... turned a corner, spotted the strip of wet gravel and knew I wasn't going to make it. Bike flips out and I take the tarmac full force on my side. Obviously my TPS (Tarmac Proximity Sensor) had failed to warn me of my pending doom and different co-efficients of french and english gravel, due to it not being calibrated to French time.

Anyway, lay in the road unable to move, Crabsticks called for help from DA support crew and some kind french men lifted me out of the road and into a house to keep me dry. I've really hurt my hip and I could only make out the word "doctor" so I presumed they had called someone. Then the "support crew" turned up but the French were adamant they didn't want me to leave. Eventually the "support crew" prised me from the Frenchmen's grip and took me away in the van. I asked them to stop after 10 yards because the french had my sunglasses but the guy wouldn't so I was a bit miffed as you can imagine (£100 worth of sunglasses!) and then he said he didn't know where my hotel was so I would have to come back to the Grand and see the doctor there. Gets to the Grand hotel and he takes me to room 21 to see the doctor. I've started to feel slightly uncomfortable with him now but there were other cyclists around so I just wanted to see the Doctor. Gets to Room 21 and I say to the guy "this is clearly not the doctor!!!". The guy was in bed! I realise then that this guy is not support crew and the guy who is supposed to be the doctor, and in bed, is a cyclist! There are 3 other cyclists and they are like "why have you been brought here?" and this fat idiot is just saying "I've rescued her from the French" and keeps saying he will get me something to change into because I'm wet (I think not mate!). One of the cyclists goes off to find someone and comes back with Zoe, one of the girls I shared the cabin with thank God. I explain that I'm in serious pain with my hip and need a doctor and that this idiot has brought me here. He say's "there's gratitude after I've rescued you from the French" and I say "You are worse than the French!!! they had called a doctor!!!" Zoe helps me back downstairs to the hotel lounge where eventually Rob from DA Support turn up with the Support Doctor and tell me they've been looking for me everywhere. This is about an hour and a half after the accident. Not only am I really hurt but I'm cold and wet and shivering and just about ready to cry.

Well anyway, it seems that when Rob and the Doctor got to the scene, the firebrigade (they are paramedics I presume) and police are there and they are having an epi at Crabsticks that I'm not at the scene. Apparently they are really angry, something about it being against the law to leave the scene of the accident... which is why the French didn't want me to leave. Rob is really angry that this guy has took me from the scene and to be honest I'm not too impressed myself. My hip just gets worse and worse and although when the doc examines me we are sure I'm just bruised, within 2 hours of Rob bringing me back to my own hotel I can't walk at all so the crew have to take me to hospital for an x-ray. Something that I would have got straight away if that idiot hadn't took me from the scene.

Luckily nothing broken and the French doctor is hot!!!! and between jokes about the French smudging my fake tan, lost sunglasses (which Rob found thankfully!) and me potentially missing out on a hot date when I get back... plus then the "thank God I put my good knickers on for the hot French doctor" comment, the DA doctor says I am the funniest patient she ever had (",) hee hee

Day 3 ... couldn't ride due to not being able to walk, bruising coming out really bad, had to ride on the van and be team photographer... that was between the travel sickness moments! DA support said I was sick from taking drugs on an empty stomach but it was more like their driving!!! LOL. had a great day with Kenny in the support van and the lads Simon and Cambers aka Mr and Mrs Broom Wagon. They cheered me up a lot. ha ha

Day 4... rode a bit, got on the van for a bit, and completed "the sprint" down the Champs. Weirdly, could ride on the flat with no pain, but couldn't walk properly.

Day 5 ... breakfast... Sat with Sarah from AMR. She told me that DA were really angry with the man that took me away. Turned out he was a friend of one of the cyclists who had asked him to come along in case he couldn't make it (i.e. be his own personal support) but DA told him to sling his hook after this incident. He had already tried to make himself "at home" in another female cyclists room! We decided it's a law of averages that you always get a weirdo on the ride... there's at least one every year!

2 weeks on... just about getting by on the painkillers now. hopefully, I will be back out on the bike this week but will have to take it slowly. Piccy of the hip bruise attached :)

o yea... never got to see Lance :( because (a) couldn't hobble down there and (b) had to get the Eurostar anyway. My mate said she had a brill spot but had to leave before they came in to get to station on time.